im so lost . im so broken

God, please stop treating me so bad .
i understand you give things equally .
but it hurts alot to have this feeling everyday .
i need to smile when im not happy , stand my tears when i wanna cry ,
pretend to be alright when im actually so broken .
you made me thought you weren't there for me anymore .
i pleaded you for weeks to save my relationship . please dont take it away .
its my only wish .
im tired of crying . my eyes got worsen since i cried everyday .
friends ask me why i wouldn't smile .
i tried everything cause i know i cant wait .
i tried my best to be better but i cant understand what i did wrong to deserved this .
don't test me . i really love him .
i really dont want to loose him if its possible . i know may is a very bad month not only to me .
what should i do ? i used to say i dont believe in love .
i would never fall in love with a person ,
now ? what am i doing ?
im making myself too much not like myself anymore .
even when i hurt myself , it doesnt even feel pain as much as my heart . i cant understand .
what wrong did i do to deserve all these pain ?
issit wrong to love someone you love so much ?
i know love is never perfect .
june is coming . but will it last ? i keep praying .
i almost lost everything last night . i keep thinking .
im so lost without him . even he is with me . but its different from last time . :'(
he no longer cared about me .
why ? why ? why ?
he used to say , he wont leave me . now ? it ends up almost leaving me .
dont pity me please then come say love me.
will everything be better if im gone ? :']
cox im bringing suffering to him , peoople and myself .
................................................

(っ◕‿◕)っ ♥ I miss you™ ♥

update update again 

♪┏(・o･)┛♪┗ ( ･o･) ┓♪┏ ( ) ┛♪┗ (･o･ ) ┓♪┏(･o･)┛♪ 

happy abit today . but still no appetite to eat (╥╥)

notice i lose some weight cause my jeans need belt (╥╥)

but imma happy no need diet .  (╯3╰)

today spend whole afternoon at STARBUCKS . 

with my cousin and bestie .

coffee+pie+jazz+revision = heaven (≧◡≦)

2 more days then it will be 14 may . that is yellow and rose valentine . 

but youre working T^T . and i have full time tuition on that day . 

haihs . i hoped after exam can go watch movies :( 

recently thinking of working . but i wandering where to work at ? 

awww , can call me lazy by the way XD

let me see , 2 more weeks then im free . so what am i going to do during the holidays ? :X

well , now , trying to fold stars . its ugly (╥╥)

well , most important its from heart right ? 

plan to find a jar @@

but hard to find (╥╥)

well , weekends got bored for me espeacially night time :(!

no text from him , no skypeee , no phone calls :( 

kept talking to SimSimi ( ps , im not crazy , im just lonely )

miss the time i used to have skype with him :X 

hopeeeed and cross fingers that i can have a date to watch movies with him :( 

since its more than two weeks no go out with him . and after exam , it would be 1 month :(

sighs . 

miss him miss him :( ~ needa wait 12am + :( by that time my eyes would be like an owl in morning time :X

but still i would wait :D 

planning to find cakes recipe from online . 

hoped can bake some for him cause he kept miss his meal time :X!

since his work place is near my house X) ! 

im glad he dint treat me cold anymore . thanks to the advise from my cousin :3

i should not give up . 

starting to feel the warmth like last time . even its abit cold . 

but at least i smiled . after a few days of sorrow ! LOL

well , love love love , 

how powerfull is it . it can make people smile or cry .

since i receive no text now at this hour , 

scrolling through my handphone message . seeing the inbox .

smiling at the text :P 

Dear , still remember ? i let you hear cute songs ? 

hahas . dear still kajiao me why no call you laogong :P 

9 march that day . yerr :3

then go outing the next day :D 

hahas . still remember the two photos ? :] 

love it . everytime i on my comp , sure see it :D

scroll more text and saw your cute text :D 

playball during midnight :X lols !

still remember i said i want go beach ? hehe :P

dear say if you got car , sure will bring me . 

i still say wait eu ne :P 

hahas . see see see , i remember everything lorh :P 

:P yeee . still remember i like tag dear things ? XD 

vic always say jealous us two ler X) 

but always need wait long then dear will tag me . ishhh :P 

mostly dear inbox me the link :P 

still remember ? :P 

dear say i nice to hug =3= ?

wheeee . im dear de bear bear meh ? X) hahas. 

last time dear de every night text sure very long :P 

aduh . short short de bo now ! 

aiya . no blame dear la :P sure work dao very tired ^^

most remember is one time i tag dear de , 50 things a guy should do to their GF. 

dear direct next morning wake up early wish me have a nice day at school :] 

yerrr. that day at school smile chin :P wheee . 

dear last time zui scared i angry de :X 

cause sure cold cold and bu li ni :3

dear apologize cute chin ^^

hehez :3 

sometimes quarrel over small things cause of my mood :(

but relationship dont work without quarrel ma :] ~

hehe~ dear notice ? how we quarrel or what , still will hao hao de . 

hehe really thank God ne ^^~

dear still remember ? 

dear always act cute face when with me :P 

i like call you baby face narh . 

hahas :P ~ every morning i sure will message eu call you pig dear :P 

lao gong lao gong , ni hai ji de ma ? blueeeek :P 

last time dear still ask me i put what name for you at my hp :P 

hehe~ dun worry . till now never change :D 

caused youre my only dear in my heart :D 

2 more days jiu valentine again oh❤ . 

see , this time we guo le 3 valentines le . 

:D hehe . even i cant at dear side , but i will always sent alot of love to you de dear :P 

blueeek . 

when i bully dear , dear sure will say 'zomok ni zhe yang de ho ' 

:33 hehes . long time no hear tiok . miss your voice . miss your hug . miss your kiss . 

:P 

dear dear , miss you narh . ❤

how about you ? :D 

thanks dear . for all you did :D 

love you pig dear ❤

xoxo❤

63 days :']

Dear .
i really want to tell eu this few times le . but dunno where to start .
see ? today already 63 days oh ^^
in these 3 months i really happy and appreciate what you do .
still remember ? i always bully you . stare at you . hug you . kiss you .
dear ..
meeting you is a very great gift for me .
still remember our first date ?
10 march :] ~ hehe
u told me that i was the first girl to hold your hands .
so shy that time :X u dint even talk much . so cute :3
then you always play dota :X! ish . but everytime dint play cause i angry .
miss that time ne :X hehe ~ think back i feel so bad lo :X
still remember ? i ask dear if no play dota one day will die :P?
you answer me no but no message me sure will die :X hehe
miss u narh dear :]
got once you sick >< but still go outing with me . sim tia that time see you so tired ><
dear , still remember ?
got one time u pangseh me ?
i angry le bu li ni whole day ><
aiks . sorry narh~ dint know that make u no mood .
that time i knew , dear is reli cnt go .
kept apologize nia , :P
blueeek .
that time , i reli start love eu le :]
im never serious in love after my last relationship .
dear .
time past very fast ho ?
dont notice ady 63 days .
now having exam le oh :X
do dao hao le ?
still work gok :(
sure tired de .
feel want hangout with dear go paktor :]
miss dear warm hug :X
dear always say me cold de :X but im not cicak kaysss .?
dear , still rmb our last hangout <3
hehes . miss it ne .
still rmb ? last time almost everynight skype . hehe :P
i like bully dear at there :P
ishhh~ cute ne :X
dear always hate me emo or cry :P
lalala~ i promise guo dear wont cry . but i zuo bu dao . im very sorry narh .
dear .
these few days really different ne .
so cold :X .
so less 'Dear' in ur text le .
its replaced with 'eu'.
i know , you dont want me to be hurt deep .
but i really miss it . its too sudden . i cant accept the fact .
dear no longer tell me dear do wad thing le :']
actually i no blame dear at all . i know is my fault .
my sehkia kuan , my pi qi huai .
not suit to be a type of girl u like .
i also know , i say de thing zuo bu dao .
but dear , im trying my best kays ?
actually i really she bu de fang qi .
but i cannot force dear anymore .
dear ..
still remember ? eu used to promised me u would not left me alone ?
its okays . i understand .
dear , i really love eu .
i really do . please know that . ive been waiting for eu to say that for weeks .
im not God , :'] ~ i cant add feelings . its within you .
but i can say , if one day u leave me ,
i will be waiting .
if there is no fate , then i promised , i be better GF in next life .
i keep the memories u left for me :]
i still love you . so please dont treat me cold kays ?
i hope eu understand .
dear , im sorry if i do anything wrong before . i dint do it on purpose .
5201314 :]
as i promised before . ILY
i miss you dear ! (oscar)